Dear Nikki,

I just started dating a girl and I’m head-over-heels in love with her. She’s really pretty, in a cute kind of way and really smart too. She loves watching Korean dramas and makes me watch them with her, which is bearable, sometimes. But now she wants me to start “couple dressing” because it’s really popular in Asia and on TV. How can I tell her I think it’s tacky without hurting her feelings or offer a compromise on our fashion? I just don’t want us to be clones of each other, but I prefer that we look good together.

Jeff

You’re a sweetheart, Jeff, and with enough sense to remember that love doesn’t have to include everything in your life, especially fashion. Thank goodness for that!

Matching clothes from head-to-toe is never okay except when on twin babies and I’m pretty sure you and your girlfriend were not separated at birth. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show some love in your attire. There’s nothing wrong with coordinating outfits or power dressing as a couple (think David and Victoria Beckham or Jada Pinkett and Will Smith). The trick is how to pull it off so that it looks cool, romantic and absolutely not tacky.

I think there ought to be a law about wearing matching clothes. It’s either you have to be super old (think senior citizens in identical tops), super young (babies, toddlers, kindergarten kids), part of a family or clan (kilts anyone?), at a high school or college football game or on outdoor excursions or family trips where losing a member is a great possibility.

At all other times, work the idea of complement into your looks. The idea is to match in vibes, rather than in actual looks.

Complementing attitudes
Work casual, smart casual or formal looks together, rather than one casual and one smart. Boyfriend, try matching the t-shirt and cut-off denim shorts of the girlfriend with a faded tee, khakis and sandals. For tailored jackets or blazers, these can work on both of you but with an A-line skirt and wedges for the girlfriend, and a dress shirt plus jeans on you. The key here is to carry the same vibes to match. Be it sporty, cocktail or Sunday afternoon casual, work the look together.

Complementing colors and patterns
Try working with complementing colors in different items. You can both pull off a plaid pattern, but make sure they’re in a similar (not the same!) color family. A plaid dress and a plaid sweater are immediately different and choosing a different size for the pattern can help show off individuality too. Nordic prints show a lot of variation; some feature cute deer while others have snowflakes or fir trees. Try a Nordic print sweater on the boyfriend, while the girlfriend sports a Nordic print sweater dress. Mix up who wears the pattern on top and on the bottom, or go for different colors or a different pattern size. The key is playing with different colored items to avoid a “clone” look.

Complement your looks but change the pieces
For certain events, you might want to opt for specific looks together: crisp, white dress shirt and jeans for an after-hours party, power suits to the office, hoodies and denims to the beach. If that’s the case, keep colors, fabrics and patterns the same or at least similar, but play with the structure of the ensemble. Pull off a military-inspired navy and khaki combo together, but have the boyfriend style khaki pants with a chambray shirt and navy blazer – the light blue color breaks up the combination for a refreshing look. Girlfriend, team your darker khaki pants with a navy shirt and finish with a bright scarf to really own the look. Striped tops look immediately different when the stripes are of different sizes, and especially when paired with different jackets.

If anything, I think that being highly attuned to each other – and not just by wearing matching outfits – is a sign of a good relationship. I’m no love guru, dear, but there’s really more to love than just matching red shirts for Valentine’s Day.

xoxo,

Nikki

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